I fight authority and authority always wins...

There are days when I'm a good little girl: I behave, I respect my elders, my superiors - and I manage to do it without having to fight the urge to vomit every single moment.

Those days are pretty infrequent.

Then there are other days when I'm a quiet rebel. I resent being told what to do by my elders and my superiors but I realise that if I want to keep getting a paycheque, I probably have to suck it up. I usually suck it up through deflection - meaning I accept direction of sorts but through grudging, sarcastic humour. (It helps me cope.)

Those days probably make up the majority of my days.

Then there are days like today. Days where there are no elders or authority figures to be found. A day where I can breathe easy - or so I thought. There must be some vibe sent out to the world that says I'm not chaffing at my chains, I'm not biting my tongue, that I have been let loose - and the karma Gods send people who try to boss me around, keep me on the straight and narrow, tell me what to do.

I FUCKING HATE DAYS LIKE TODAY!!!

I hate being bossed around. Especially when it's by people who I think have zero authority over me and to top it off, have built no credibility with me. The worst part of it all? I'm just so crap at addressing the issue and smacking others back into line - or more specifically telling them to leave me alone. I can't tell them nicely or meanly, I just seem to take it but slowly combust inside. Until I explode quite messily all over the place (managed to not do that today...)

I think people who know me would be shocked that I shy away from confronting people - but I just can't do it.

Sigh.... Sometimes I think it's amazing that I manage to keep a job and my sanity at the same time....