Canadian Down Under

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Irrational Hatreds

You know what I'm talking about - we've all had them - you barely have to set your eyes on someone to know you're not going to like them.

Then they speak..... and it's confirmed.

My friend Christine introduced me to the term "irrational hatreds" but not the concept.

Christine is a past master of irrational hatreds - and her dry wit mixed with that British accent - make them extremely funny. As long as you're not the object of the irrationality....

There's something about good friends, you don't have to know them a long time to know them well. This is true of Christine and I. The first incidence of one of her irrational hatreds (IR) occurred when we'd only known each other a few weeks. We were on a road trip to Margaret River in the southwest corner of Australia and had stopped off to do some caving and had even been coerced into a guided tour.

And that was where the trouble began.....

Okay, not REAL trouble, but we were standing around waiting to start our tour and our guide was giving pre-tour instructions (ie/ don't touch anything) when I saw Christine's shoulders stiffen.

She didn't need to say anything. I knew.

I leaned toward and whispered "You're having an irrational hatred, aren't you?"

She was so surprised, but laughed without acknowledging me. See, our tour guide was this stocky blonde woman who had this high-pitched whispery voice (the sound wasn't matching the picture....) who was setting out the rules in a very authoritarian manner - one which I just knew had to rankle with authority-phobic Christine...

We've since discovered that we can recognise IR's in each other without having to say a word - which can be quite amusing. See, if I meet someone slightly annoying with IR potential, yet Christine develops a case of IR first, I won't get it, but I can laugh at the frustration Christine is suffering through. And vice versa.

It made last weekend very interesting.

We arrived at our retreat and almost immediately ended up in the spa with a couple bottles of wine (probably not quite the best start to a "health retreat" weekend, but definitely a fun one....) We'd been there quite a while when another guest came up and asked if there was room for he and his girlfriend. We answered in the affirmative and as he was walking away to get his girlfriend, I started to laugh.

Laugh at Christine, that is. An IR had developed The guy had been nice and polite but had been WAY over-enthusiastic in a way only stereo-typical Americans can (sorry to my American readers - but I did say stereo-typical - very different from the real thing... in fact, I have quite a soft spot for Americans - one in particular but that's a completely different story...). Besides, the cheesy medallion didn't help....

The hike the following day was absolutely littered with IR's as we encountered many people sorely lacking in manners along the route. (Ill manners and ignorance/sheer stupidity are often the causes of IR's. True - read it somewhere....) It's just so funny if you're not the person experiencing it. Note - it's funny because IR's remain internal - it is not cool to verbalise and express your hatred in any form whatsoever. It's just a funny non-verbal communication between friends.

But I must say, IR's are one extreme - but the opposite can happen: you can meet someone and barely talk, yet know that you could be good friends.

One such incident happened on the trek. On the trail we kept passing and then being passed by this one women hiking alone. The last time we saw her we passed her at the bottom of the canyon. She had paused to catch her breath, so we stopped to speak. Amazingly, within only two words, she had pegged both our accents - which is truly a rare talent.

I noticed she had a little water left and that she was struggling a big - she was a heavier lady - but kudos to her for going on such a challenging walk (but really, she was so underprepared!!). Anyway, I took to her almost instantly and after chatting for a few minutes, offered her one of our bottles of water.

Over an hour and half later as Christine and I were nearing the summit, I couldn't stop thinking about that lady and hoping she was alright. Christine and I are fairly fit, but we were feeling the effects of the steep climb and had pretty much gone through the rest of our water - I couldn't help but wonder if my irrational friendship lady was okay. ( I just re-read this and I'm worried - I think I'm beginning to show maternal leanings.... the horror!!!!)

See, irrational friendships more than offset irrational hatreds, because you can act on the former, but not the latter. But I gotta tell you, friendships or hatreds, the irrationality of it all is what makes life so interesting.

1 Comments:

  • Irrational hatreds. Interesting term, but I get it ...

    I almost always decide whether or not I am going to like someone within the first few minutes of meeting them.

    My gut doesn't usually lead me wrong. I can count on one hand the number of times that I've been wrong about someone. My ex-roommate was the most recent example. I don't know HOW I missed the fact that she was a complete lunatic. She seemed so normal when I first met her ...

    Stolie

    --------------------------------------
    http://funkybrownchick.blogspot.com

    By Blogger Twanna A. Hines | FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com, at 1:11 AM  

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