Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
Such a cheesy song line - but really, it's SOOO true.
Oh wait - I should clarify - I'm not talking about boyfriend/girlfriend breakups, I'm talking about platonic friendship breakups. Much, MUCH harder.
You know - as you go through life - you make so many different types of friendships, from casual through to life long friendships. Casual friendships often arise because of similar circumstances - like school friends or work friends. These friendships are usually ones that are intense (because of the amount of time that you spend together) but often don't last when circumstances change; like when you leave school or change jobs. But sometimes, these casual friends turn into longer term friendships.
How do you know when you have made a longer term friend? Well, you don't always realise its happened until well after the fact. I mean, friendships are as difficult as non-platonic relationships, when it involves emotions there are no hard and fast rules. But generally, if you're friendship survives a change in circumstance, that can be a clue that you've graduated into a long-term friendship. Also, surviving a difficult ordeal - or more specifically a disagreement between the two of you - generally means that the relationship runs deeper than the superficial.
To make matters more complicated, duration is not always an indicator or whether a friendship has gone beyond the 'casual' category - so I think I'll refer to my stage 2 simply as 'friendships' rather than 'long-term friendships'. (Wow, I can be so pedantic sometimes...)
If you're lucky like me, you may have a casual friendship formed in childhood that has developed into a real friendship over the years. For me, this friendship has morphed again into something akin to a sibling relationship. I think of her as my sister - and no matter how different our lives are and how much we've changed over the years, we know we'll always be friends
So where am I going with all this? Well, I've just described what I consider to be normal friendships; those that last forever or those that naturally fade away. But sometimes there are friendships - for a variety of reasons - that seem to last/hang on beyond their natural expiry date.
I think I have one of those. And now that its lasted beyond its natural expiry date, I think it needs to be put out of its misery, I'm just trying to figure out what to do. Should I:
Oh wait - I should clarify - I'm not talking about boyfriend/girlfriend breakups, I'm talking about platonic friendship breakups. Much, MUCH harder.
You know - as you go through life - you make so many different types of friendships, from casual through to life long friendships. Casual friendships often arise because of similar circumstances - like school friends or work friends. These friendships are usually ones that are intense (because of the amount of time that you spend together) but often don't last when circumstances change; like when you leave school or change jobs. But sometimes, these casual friends turn into longer term friendships.
How do you know when you have made a longer term friend? Well, you don't always realise its happened until well after the fact. I mean, friendships are as difficult as non-platonic relationships, when it involves emotions there are no hard and fast rules. But generally, if you're friendship survives a change in circumstance, that can be a clue that you've graduated into a long-term friendship. Also, surviving a difficult ordeal - or more specifically a disagreement between the two of you - generally means that the relationship runs deeper than the superficial.
To make matters more complicated, duration is not always an indicator or whether a friendship has gone beyond the 'casual' category - so I think I'll refer to my stage 2 simply as 'friendships' rather than 'long-term friendships'. (Wow, I can be so pedantic sometimes...)
If you're lucky like me, you may have a casual friendship formed in childhood that has developed into a real friendship over the years. For me, this friendship has morphed again into something akin to a sibling relationship. I think of her as my sister - and no matter how different our lives are and how much we've changed over the years, we know we'll always be friends
So where am I going with all this? Well, I've just described what I consider to be normal friendships; those that last forever or those that naturally fade away. But sometimes there are friendships - for a variety of reasons - that seem to last/hang on beyond their natural expiry date.
I think I have one of those. And now that its lasted beyond its natural expiry date, I think it needs to be put out of its misery, I'm just trying to figure out what to do. Should I:
- Over time, reduce time spent together
- Stop taking her calls, or
- Speak to her about what I'm thinking
- Tell her I no longer want to be friends?
I won't go into the reasons that have brought me to this point - suffice to say if you cannot trust a person, you can't really have a friendship.
So, what should I do? (And if you tell me I actually have to break up with her - what crap line should I use? I mean, "we can still be friends" won't really work...)
posted by lala at
9:40 PM
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