Canadian Down Under

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Why Valentine's Day Should be Outlawed

Because I said so.

Pretty flimsy eh? Well, alright, let me see if I can come up with some more concrete reasons:
  1. It's bad for the environment. All those Valentine's Day cards are just thrown out the day after - adding to landfill sites around the world. (What? You're not suppose to throw them out?)
  2. It's bad for the economy. It encourages people to spend scandalous amounts of money just in order to get laid, thereby sending trillions of people needlessly into debt and poverty. (Besides, if you want to spend that kind of money to get laid - you have better odds if you just go to a bar, don't you?)
  3. It's discriminatory. Two words: single people. Hello? Does anyone stop to think about their feelings?
  4. It creates social unrest. Can't you see it - all those single people out there with picket signs in there hands, screaming things like "Stop the Insanity" (how Susan Powerish of me...) at Cupid.
  5. It's bad for society's mental health. It's not real people. There are no adult sized babies in diapers floating around there shooting love arrows at people. Come on. Get a grip.

Don't you wish I had stopped at "because I said so"?

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