I want attention

There. I've said it. I want attention. Perhaps I even need attention (though I hate to say that because I don't want to appear needy....). I used to think I was one of those 'low maintenance' girls, but I can no longer fool myself. (Pretty sure I was never fooling anyone else...)

The truth is, I equate attention with people caring and I need to know that people care. Now, I don't need to know every second of the day, or even every day, and for my friends - I don't even need to hear from them every week, but when it comes to guys I want/need it more frequently. Perhaps every couple of days??? I don't even need to SEE someone every couple of day but once a week would be nice. Wouldn't it? Maybe hear from them inbetween? Is that asking too much?

I've been a little cryptic of late in my posts in regards to a guy - but I'm nervous about putting what I think and feel out there on the off chance he stumbles across my blog. Hey, I'm feeling vulnerable enough - I mean we actually had a conversation where I told him I liked him but knew he didn't like me and I couldn't go back to being friends. That was definitely putting myself out there. For me. Maybe that's no big deal for others, but it was very hard for me.

It seemed it was a risk worth taking; he responded by telling me that he liked me and wanted to get to know me better. Which leads me to an explanation for my post yesterday....

Things haven't been going smoothly (I was going to say very smoothly, but really it's been one hell of a bumpy ride so far!). Our first time together after our talk, I got hurt by something he said and maturely lashed out and stormed off. Since then I've been unusually meek, trying to read him as to whether or not I'd ruined it, whether or not he was still interested. The last time I saw him he seemed a little standoffish and contact since then has been sporadic at best. Granted I've been away and he's had visitors, but I just don't understand how you're suppose to get to know someone if you never see them.

I've run out of patience. (Not that I had a lot to begin with.)

I don't think he's purposely being obtuse - I just don't think he realises how his actions (or more correctly his non-actions) come across. So I decided to be myself. I thought I'd make a joke about how you're suppose to get to know each other - and what I wrote was not the only thing said or the first exchange. It was meant to be funny.

Funny. Not scary.

I may be thick - but even I understand that scary does not get you attention. Or at least good attention...