Quitting Time
It was on this day many years ago that I quit smoking. Not a puff, not a nothing since then. And I've even become one of those annoying ex-smokers that now hates walking past smokers on the street because I find their exhales of smoke extremely annoying and invasive of my general well-being and health.
I used to be so tolerant.
It's a non-descript day. But a day that worked well for quitting, so I'm hoping to continue the quitting trend.
What do I mean?
I've just been out for dinner. It was lovely. Really. Enjoyable. Good food, good conversation, yummy wine. I would even venture as far to say as flirtatious company. So what happened? Nothing.
Why I expected any different after all this time I'll never know. I never really thought I was that stupid, but all evidence seems to be pointing to the contrary.
I'd tell my friends about it, but they are so bored of this story. And so tired of me not getting it - accepting that its a no-go. And they're no longer tolerant of my masochistic behaviour.
Can't say I blame them.
It's time to quit. Same day, a new bad habit.
You know - this week I met someone new. Not that anything's going on. But I met somebody who caught my eye. Now -normally that wouldn't mean much, except I'm the type of person who doesn't get side-tracked often. It's rare for me to be interested - not that I'm not open to being interested - its just rare that I find members of the opposite sex interesting.
And you know what? I think he finds me interesting as well. Today a couple of things happened that gave me that clue. They're small but they're still there. A touch on the back, a slight hold on my arm and a nonchalant query as to my plans for the evening.
It could be nothing. But then again, it could be something. Something I'd willing forgo if someone else was interested, but he's not. He's as much as told me so. He may send mixed signals through body language - but his verbal message is consistently no - and I need to listen to the verbal message - because body language has proven to be misleading. And maybe its only misleading because I was hoping for something different.
You know - I'm just going to have to say it - but I think if I was thinner he might actually be interested. Now weight is a dangerous topic with me - a battle throughout my whole life - and generally I'm okay. The last year and a half has been hard - what with a broken arm and a dodgy back - but given my inability to do anything for ages - I'm holding up pretty well. A little heavier than I like - but only a little. But somehow I feel like for him its a deal breaker and perhaps why he doesn't like me.
I may be wrong - but this line of reasoning is bad for me. I am so much more than numbers on a scale, but his disinterest is destroying my sense of self-worth. Why did I ever give someone so much sway over me???
Quitting time.
It's kind of like quitting smoking. It took many attempts before it finally stuck. Wonder if this non-descript day's previous success will hold for breaking my most recent bad habit.
I used to be so tolerant.
It's a non-descript day. But a day that worked well for quitting, so I'm hoping to continue the quitting trend.
What do I mean?
I've just been out for dinner. It was lovely. Really. Enjoyable. Good food, good conversation, yummy wine. I would even venture as far to say as flirtatious company. So what happened? Nothing.
Why I expected any different after all this time I'll never know. I never really thought I was that stupid, but all evidence seems to be pointing to the contrary.
I'd tell my friends about it, but they are so bored of this story. And so tired of me not getting it - accepting that its a no-go. And they're no longer tolerant of my masochistic behaviour.
Can't say I blame them.
It's time to quit. Same day, a new bad habit.
You know - this week I met someone new. Not that anything's going on. But I met somebody who caught my eye. Now -normally that wouldn't mean much, except I'm the type of person who doesn't get side-tracked often. It's rare for me to be interested - not that I'm not open to being interested - its just rare that I find members of the opposite sex interesting.
And you know what? I think he finds me interesting as well. Today a couple of things happened that gave me that clue. They're small but they're still there. A touch on the back, a slight hold on my arm and a nonchalant query as to my plans for the evening.
It could be nothing. But then again, it could be something. Something I'd willing forgo if someone else was interested, but he's not. He's as much as told me so. He may send mixed signals through body language - but his verbal message is consistently no - and I need to listen to the verbal message - because body language has proven to be misleading. And maybe its only misleading because I was hoping for something different.
You know - I'm just going to have to say it - but I think if I was thinner he might actually be interested. Now weight is a dangerous topic with me - a battle throughout my whole life - and generally I'm okay. The last year and a half has been hard - what with a broken arm and a dodgy back - but given my inability to do anything for ages - I'm holding up pretty well. A little heavier than I like - but only a little. But somehow I feel like for him its a deal breaker and perhaps why he doesn't like me.
I may be wrong - but this line of reasoning is bad for me. I am so much more than numbers on a scale, but his disinterest is destroying my sense of self-worth. Why did I ever give someone so much sway over me???
Quitting time.
It's kind of like quitting smoking. It took many attempts before it finally stuck. Wonder if this non-descript day's previous success will hold for breaking my most recent bad habit.
posted by lala at
10:37 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home