Simpering

That's how one friend describes what I'm like when I'm with a guy: simpering.

How pathetic is that?

From a strong, independent, intelligent, funny, capable self-assured woman to a simpering idiot. ( I added the idiot part.) But although it sounds harsh, I have to say, she's right. And I'm ashamed and embarrassed of myself.

I could go into the long history of my failed relationships - but I think that would be too gruesome. For me, if not you...

I don't know what to do anymore but I do know I'm tired of it all. When I came back from Canada in early January, any remnant of any kind of romantic relationship with anyone had been firmly exterminated and you know what? I was happy about it. I felt good. I felt myself again. It took me almost a year to get there and in a few short weeks I became 'simpering'.

No wonder I'm single. Who wants to date a 'simpering' anything?

Okay, I may be having a slight pity party at the moment, but so far this week I've been called 'simpering', 'bitchy', 'hard', 'tough' and 'abusive' and I'm about all done. I know I can sometimes come across as 'tough' but I see myself more as a survivor. I can survive just about anything - some people see that as tough - but that doesn't mean I don't feel every bump along the way. Trust me. I do.

What to do?

I was trying to drink my miseries away the last couple of evenings but I've discovered I'm a lightweight. When I'm out with friends I can pretty much drink all night, but alone? One glass of wine and I'm in bed.

I'm going to have to come up with an alternative...