Canadian Down Under

Saturday, March 27, 2010

My god what a coward!

I recently sent an email to someone I know-but having never gotten a response, I've been feeling a little badly about it all-like maybe I was too harsh, went too far or a gazilion other things..

But you know what? I just re-read what I wrote and- given the circumstances around what precipitated the email- ...actually, screw that-even as an isolated email- it was nice. Sweet almost.

Made me realise that a coward that person has proved themselves to be in not replying..

Friday, March 26, 2010

Never thought today would arrive!

I'm finally out of my flat!

Stuff sold.
Stuff shipped.
Flat cleaned.
Bond returned.
Keys returned.


One weekend of fun left in my swanky digs then bye-bye sydney.

Can't believe its finally here..

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Reasons to never read Women's Health magazine ever again...

So far - the latest issue has told me the following:

  1. The margarita I'm drinking while I write this has over 700kj and requires 18 minutes of exercise to burn...
  2. Because I get migraines - I'm twice as likely to have a heart attack..
  3. The "how to have hot sex tonight" article did not include a hotline phone number to a bevy of waiting men
  4. The article on "Swinger sClub" was about golf...

But on the up side? Something cool?
  • 2012 Olympic stadium will be made of recycled steel - steel melted down from guns & knives confiscated from criminals

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Cause I can.

Been away for a little while - trip up to Byron Bay. Ever heard of it? Its hippyville. Hippyville on crack! (If you've had a few glasses of wine like me - you'd find that really funny.....)

Why I am having wine? Alone in my flat?
Well - read the title: Cause I can!

My new mantra.

While up at Byron a couple of times I may have had a beer or two after dinner and you know why I did that? Yup - you guessed it. Because I can.

So this post may just be a jumble of random thoughts... Know why I'm doing that? Yup - cause I can! (And yes, that's even beginning to annoy me - but I'm probably not done yet...)

So time in Byron was good. Very restful - but now the final days into organising for the move are kicking in....

So the unfun stuff?
- trying to work out all landlord stuff...
- getting rear ended and having insurance companies call
- taking all the stuff off my walls
- selling my car (or not selling it as the case may be)
- selling the other bits and bobs
- packing and organising what I'm taking.
- coming into a flat that has totally bare walls... (depressing....)

Oh my God - I'm boring myself just writing about it!!!!

The less unfun stuff?
- selling my BBQ
- selling my entertainment unit

Good and necessary - but sad still to see it all drive away.... How is it that you can get attached to inanimate objects?? Maybe its just some of the memories associated with them and the emptiness that increasing in my flat...

So - I know I'm doing what I said I wanted to do - but its awful hard to get the final days. People have been great - but its starting to get to the sad point - and I still have almost 2 weeks to go.

I've already written about the really bad stuff - but I guess it too was necessary. I just wish it hadn't happened.

But goodbyes come in all shapes and forms.

I'm hoping there's some fun ones before this is all over.

But for this evening - its time out. Zero socialising - except for me and my wine bottle.

Know why? Cause I can...

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

Be Yourself

One of my favourite songs (and yes, its Canadian) is Good Mother by Jann Arden. Its just one of those songs that sticks. Some of my favourite lyrics are near the end, and go:

Heart in hand,
Feet on ground,
Facing forward,
Be yourself.
just be yourself.
just be yourself.

And I think she's right. Its really important to be yourself. But damn - it can be hard sometimes.

You know, I have some really good friends - but sometimes even they are trying to change me (improve me is probably a better way of saying it). For example - I've had a friend tell me that I should no longer communicate with anyone until I 'come out of the red zone'. All very good advice and all - but seriously - I'm part Irish and I have the hot headedness that goes along with that - so if I forever remain calm - will I really just be being myself?

I've also been told that sometimes I just need to let things go. Again - good advice - though if I forever drop things and don't tell people when I'm upset, why I'm upset or how I feel about things - am I really just being myself?

Besides - shouldn't your friends and the people in your life be able to accept you for who you are?

So again - I think both above points are valid - its just I can't do them 100% and remain myself. I am outspoken. I am animated. I am expressive. So I've tried a compromise.

An example is something I recently emailed to someone I know. I know email can be a bit... I don't know... lame - but with email as the medium its way less likely that I'll spontaneously go in the red zone and do/say something stupid. Note the word spontaneous - because I can truly do red zone emails - but I took my time with this one. I wrote it quickly - but then reviewed. Actually sat on it for a few days before sending.

I hesitated and thought about this one for quite a while because the person in question I wanted to send it to has always reacted to me being myself by running away. So the risks associated with my chosen action plan was that this person would run and hide and I'd never hear back.

So was that what I wanted? Well, I think what I really wanted to do was to say what I needed to say and explain how I felt. What I didn't need to do was lash out and say something hurtful to even the score. If this person ran - then the person ran - but I could still be myself while taking on board the advice given to me.

I think I found my compromise. I'd waited long enough to let the immediate hurt and anger go - but I still said what I felt I needed to say.... but calmly. Not completely without emotion - because there is still some there - but in a more level way.

And now maybe I'm in a place I can just let it go....

I had my heart in hand,
my feet on the ground,
I think I was facing forward....
....and I was definitely myself.