Waving the white flag

It's official - I give up.
I acquiesce
I throw in the towel
I fold
I quit
I'm done
My fingers are burnt
My brain is fried
I've turned off the lights
The white flag has been waved.

(If I could think up any other way to say I give up - I'd continue on, but I'm coming up empty...)

To quote a friend: Buh-bye.

Note to readers: this is in reference to a particular situation and is my way of venting. This is not referring directly to blog writing and/or anything more serious than a venting of steam.....

Internet dating is NOT an option

Okay - I was going to write some witty little title and eventually through what I was writing, make my point, but no, I think in this instance it requires an upfront statement.

One that hopefully stop anyone else from suggesting this again.

So why is it that I think internet dating is a bad idea? Well in general, I don't believe its safe. I think meeting people through technology rather than in person can be a great way for people to create a false image or presentation of themselves. And I don't mean how people look, but I do mean hiding their personalities, traits, eccentricities. It mutes your sixth sense. Or at least it would for me.

For me, I put a lot of importance into first impressions. And its less what people say, and more their body language and that 'je ne sais quoi' that enables me to understand people.

So aside from that I generally think internet dating is a bad idea, I also think its a bad idea for me. See, aside from this blog and from required use at work - I just don't spend much time on the computer. I prefer music, the outdoors, group activities - which is not congruent with meeting online. It's not where I'm comfortable and its not what I'm primarily interested in and I just feel its a mismatch for me and wouldn't be where'd I'd find a good match for me either.

So why pontificate on internet dating? Well, I've had a couple of friends suggest it lately. And yesterday I had a friend start a conversation with "I don't mean to offend you" and then suggest it again.

So for the record: I'm not interested. Please stop suggesting it because I do find it offensive.

For the record: I would rather be single than try internet dating.

Subject closed.

I live there

I was out today with a friend just killing time this afternoon and stumbled across her good news (Okay I guessed...)

Anyway we got to talking about it and the difficulty she's having in telling one of her family because they recently went through a miscarriage and she's worried that her news will upset them. True enough it probably will, but at the same time they'll be happy for her.

Now if it had stopped there it would have been fine.

But she started to explain to me how she remembered what it was like when she and her husband were trying for over four years - how everyone else was happy and getting pregnant and that she was happy for them, but couldn't help think why not her.

And then she said it again.

And then she explained it me again about how you can be happy for your friends and their good news even if you were still doing the hard yards on your own.

And then again till I told her I got it.

I understood.

I live there.

At least she had her husband for company.

When you go expecting nothing...

..you shouldn't be disappointed, yet it still surprises me how sad it is when nothing happens and how much nothing hurts.

Seems my horoscope for today was oh so wrong...

Two wonderful connections begin what looks like a wonderful weekend. With the prevailing influences all pointing toward confidence, enthusiasm for life, and a balance between the genders, sexual tensions melt away bringing happy times. A wonderful night for talking through things with your partner, clearing old issues so that you can spend quality time together over the weekend. If you choose to nurture rather than oppose and choose to see past trivial matters rather than worry over things that may never happen relationships should be bright indeed.

Me sad. And so disappointed in myself that I ever expected anything different...

I resolve

to not make any resolutions as though to correct things that have gone wrong.

In fact, I'm not much of a resolution maker at all, but what I do resolve to do is to look forward. No more looking back with recriminations or thinking how I could have done things better. I'm going to do something I've never done before: I'm going to let it all go.

Simplistic? Well in the writing, but not in the doing.

I'm going to trust in fate. I'm not going to make any decisions aside from deciding that I'll leave it all in fate's hands.

Is this abdicating all adult responsibility? Perhaps - however, it's making me feel good.

Oh which reminds me, perhaps I do have one resolution (despite my saying I wasn't going to make any...) I have decided that this is the year where I'm going to be happy more than I'm sad. (It's completely unrealistic to say I'm going to be happy all the time. Not only is this impossible, it's boring.)

Smile, you're now in happyville!!

I am weak...

My resolve has already broken.

I may be a hot head, but I can only stay angry for a very, very short time...

Still cryptic - but irrelevant really. New Year's restart/clean slate will not be a complete wipe clean.

But of course, there is always the chance that this could be a delayed swipe of the eraser brush on the chalkboard.