It's funny sometimes

how things happen.

I can't explain how or why but I think I have my answer.

I know this is fairly cryptic, but until I'm 100% decided, I'm not going to be more forthcoming.

January 1. Til then....

Pinot Noir version 2

not only is it yummy (see first post) but it makes me more attractive.

at least to my cat...

I now have Monster resting on my shoulder. and somehow Pinot Noir makes that not seem pathetic... (for at least tonight...)

Pinot Noir

is yummy.

Drinking alone may not be a good idea. But what the fuck...

Starting Fresh

I'm not much of a New Year's resolutions kind of person, but I do find that I undergo some kind of mindset change with the start of January.

I'm doing it again this year, but I'm actually planning it this time. I've spent the day going through my box. You know the box - the box where all bills are stored/filed and all sorts of things I can't bear to throw away are kept.

I went through that. Got rid of David Jones bills from 2004 (2004??) and other old crap like old Superannuation plans.

While doing that I also did all my admin stuff. I sorted out the final paperwork on my taxes, my insurance and have filled out the forms to clean up my super (Australian version of RRSPs). And now I've had a quick think and come up with a list of things I want to do. Of course there's the usual 'eat better, lose weight, exercise more' but I'm less stressed about those because of my back issues, so maybe its more 'get my back strong' and hopefully that's through increased exercise.

My flat looks tidier - I'm actually running out of things to sort through.

Seems my procrastination technique is running dry of diversions.

So I'm starting fresh. I have 2 days left to decide how widespread I want to make that 'start fresh' binge go.

I've done the physical 'start fresh' - will I do the emotional 'start fresh'?

Haven't decided, but will let you know on the 1st..

Why I hate the holidays

As if its not bad enough that there's Christmas and all the build up of expectations around that beauty, then you have a week of limbo until the second holiday comes around and hits you with a smack.

What are you talking about? you may ask.

Well, Christmas is suppose to be all about religion.

Religion. Not Santa Claus. Religion.

But even if you're not religious - Christmas can still hold significance in that its the time for forgiveness, the time for caring, the time for compassion. But something's happened that for most people it has nothing to do with religion and/or the wonderful virtues of the human race - its all about the gifts.

The gifts. And the stress of getting the right gifts. And for some Christmas becomes a time of expectation that everything will be peachy keen; that this one day of the year will right all wrongs and make everyone the best of friends.

Doesn't happen. Never happens - yet every year there are people (some in my family) who still believe that's how it should be. And if that isn't how it is? then we all should pretend.

The pressure is unbelievable and I've always (ALWAYS) dreaded the build up. (I know most kids look forward to Christmas, but I must admit, I was never one....)

Now this year I had my brother, his wife and my niece visit and you know what? We had a nice time. Their visit was long enough to be enjoyable and short enough that we never got cross. My niece is always fun to be around we just enjoyed the time together.

But now its over. And now my most dreaded holiday is coming up: New Year's Eve.

How I hate New Year's. I even booked a plan home over New Year's one year so I didn't have to do any stupid toasting or kissing at midnight. Even with a boyfriend I hated New Year's , but single? its my worst nightmare.

And you know - generally I have a few days to recover from the family turmoil of Christmas, before the dread of New Year's hits, but this year - Christmas went so well that the dreading started early.

And normally I plan to watch DVDs and go to bed before midnight but this year - for some unfathomable reason - I wanted to do it different. I wanted to see a specific person and actually try to enjoy the event but I don't think that's going to happen. So normally I just dread the event, but now I'm also disappointed.

The holidays are a time for spending with family and friends, but when you are a foreigner in a city with few relatives, I find that I spend it alone. Family aren't near and friends have their own families that they're with. And that's difficult for an extrovert like me.

So many reasons to hate the holidays... It's not just a single shot, it's the double whammy event that linked by a week of limbo hell.

I'm not doing this next year.

Sure....remember me Now

I got home from work a little early today and I had a few minutes to sit down and relax. Sitting calmly sipping my cold beverage, baby Monster came and joined me.

Not a news worthy event you say?

Well, seeing as this is the first time in 5 days she's paid me any attention, I think it is...

Hmmm - wonder if it has anything to do with my niece going home and Monster not having anyone else to play with? (or more accurately - no one else to feed her...)

Humph.

No Longer Habit

When I first started this blog, it was to get me in the habit of writing and hopefully having it become a daily addiction. I did well for a while (its amazing how much free time I had when I first settled in a new city) and then I continued quite well for a time, but I've pretty much fallen off the writing wagon. Not that I don't want to write - it's that something got in the way.

Or should I say someone.

Despite the fact that I write a blog, I'm generally a fairly private person. (People who know me as an acquaintance would be surprised because I'm generally fairly gregarious and am not what you would call reserved - so its easy to hookwink some people into believing that I share everything..) What happened a little while ago is that someone found my blog - someone who had influence over my life (in a personal sense I wouldn't have cared - but it was someone from my office.) After countless inquisitory questions at work about what I'd written or blogged (despite multiple requests that personal be separate from work) I had to let it go.

I had hoped that that person could step up and do as asked - but in the end that wasn't to be.

Months on, I have changed jobs, this other person has changed jobs and I believe I'm free to write again - but I still can't shake the feeling that my every word is being scrutinized. I'm beginning to feel like I can trust and start writing again but I think it will have to be small steps.

Trusting isn't my strong suit, but I'm working on it.

Long story short - I will be back. Now that I've started getting the thoughts in my head out - I can't just shove them all back in. Seems I need to get it all out. It's amazing how the little things that happen to me cause me to write headlines in my head, little vignettes and snippets just dying to be put down.

So...

Soon.

Soon, I'll pick up the good habit once again.

Attention

I was out for dinner the other night with my brother and another person. AT some point during dinner my sister-in-law called, my brother chatted to her and got off the phone and made some innocuous comment about having done his duty (he's more blokey than real Australians....)

The other dinner companion (who was also male) and my brother then were having a chat about having to pay attention to women. (ooh, what a strain....) and the other companion asked "do girls really want attention even if its not sincere?"

duh.

We don't give a rat's ass if its sincere - we just want it.

Could I put it more simply???

One can only hope...

Today's horoscope:

This should be the time of your life for your relationships; there may be a small hiccup or two through the month but it shouldn't be anything major. It's also a great time for you to make peace and put disagreements aside and heal differences. A nice time for get togethers

I'm beginning to worry that its actually my cat they're talking about....

A moment of clarity...

So, let's see, what's been going on lately.....

Well, $1,500 later, I now have a puddy tat that has a shaved belly, shaved neck and shaved forearms - and one that is none too pleased about it...

So after xrays, ultrasounds, biopsies and IVs, we now have new food and a reduction in the number of toys she can play with (removal of any potential nasty foreign objects that could get stuck in her stomach or digestive system). The good news is I do think she's on the road to recovery. Not only is she eating, but the little monster has started to 'love' bite me again. (Doesn't really feel like love to me (based on my track record, I'm not sure I'd know what that is...) but I'm assured it is.)

What was wrong? Well, we're still not quite sure (still waiting on a biopsy to rule out the 'bad stuff') but I think in a moment of clarity this morning, I figured it all out...

So breakfast is over and I'm walking past the kitchen counter and the little thing is looking at me. Late for work, I don't really slow down so what does she do? She starts eating Kleenex.

Huge mouthfuls of the stuff.

So I tuck the kleenex in behind the plastic and even turn it over so she can't dig it out (she's very smart that way....)

Then what do I find?

I find her in the bathroom eating the toilet paper.

I don't know what her problem is, but I'm pretty sure she didn't read the memo on the perils of paper products for cats....